Chalk in Paris

RIP Eugin Wee

2011-02-02T02:17:00.004+08:00

I know it has been months since I last blogged. During the past months, A levels started and ended, we passed Christmas, the new year and Chinese New year is approaching. In these few months, I've gained and lost a lot of things/people. Some good, some bad. The worst thing is, I recently lost someone who left too soon.

Eugin Wee, you left us too soon. You're a really sweet and nice guy who everyone loved. I am truly sorry that it had to be your wake in which we 'met up'. You will be sorely missed and I pray that your family and close friends will be relieved of their grief soon.

Life is really unexpected. Regardless of age, language, religion or social status, death shows no mercy. Eugin isn't the first friend around me to pass away too soon. But tragedies like this reminds us that life is a track that has only one way - forward. There's no going back and there are no room for making fatal mistakes. Anything we do is set in stone, there is no going back. Sometimes I feel that its unfair about how bad things happen to good people in life. But I believe everything happens for a reason. Or that is the general sentiment in comforting us in the whole cosmic scheme of things.

Time to catch up

2010-08-16T19:10:00.006+08:00

Its been ages since I last blogged. My latest song craze was Airplanes, but has since been replaced with OMG and Love the way you lie.

Anyways, lots of things have happened the past 2 months. I am now only 2 and a half months away from A levels. Not that that is of any interest to other non-A level taking people. But I can say that A levels are the hardest thing that I've done so far. Studying is not the pain, its constantly having to study and sacrifice other things for it. The worse thing is, you will never know if all the sacrifice will guarantee you good grades. Faith will just keep guiding you, knowing that if you keep going, somehow something good will come out of it. I just can't wait for my last paper on Nov 22nd to come. I will then reward myself with a 3 day undisturbed sleep.

A few things have happened recently that has made me understand and see things in a new light.

Firstly, I understand that no matter what happens, what you do now will always affect your future. The decisions you make and habits you acquire determine your character and who you are. My eyes have been opened to a different breed of people who I've never been exposed to before. Its shocking, baffling, and downright confusing. Oh well. You learn new things everyday.

Secondly, its no use holding on to the past. It will hurt, and it may occasionally come back to haunt you. But its best to leave whatever has happened before untouched till it becomes a problem you'll have to deal with. In my situation, I've recently dealt with a problem that has been a thorn in my side. *score one for Singapore* It has made me be appreciative of my country and know that no one else can try to be Singaporean if they're not. :)

Lastly, I've learnt to think through the decisions that I make. I'm in no position to be on a higher pedestal than the person next to me. Its like what we learn in Sunday school, we are all fallen images of Christ. Something we do right does not correct a wrong we've done.

Anyways, despite it being 15 days from prelims, I have been spending time with some very special people. :)

It's time to hit my books again. Literally.

LOVE THIS SONG!

2010-06-25T21:24:00.001+08:00

I absolutely love this song right now. I just can't wait for exams to be over so I can finally do something other then study.

I feel so restless about life.

The truth will set you free.

2010-06-23T21:27:00.001+08:00

Honesty is the best policy.

Don't you agree?

2010-05-31T05:01:00.004+08:00

Its been a while since I've blogged. I haven't gotten any inspiration to blog about anything recently. Right now while I'm awake at this ungodly hour, I am reminded by my timetable that I need to be in school at 8. I wonder how that's going to work out.

Anyways, its the June holidays already and the last major holiday before A levels. So I guess I will be cracking down hard and studying my butt off before the holidays end.

Despite all that, I am really happy.

Diary of a reformed elitist

2010-04-28T23:51:00.007+08:00

A few days back, I was talking to a classmate of mine. She mentioned that she prefers a simple life, preferring not to step out of her comfort zone. However, I pointed out that we only live once, why settle for a mere existence?

Sometimes, certain people really belong to categories of their own. Whether it be the oblivious, lost, oblivious, naive or privileged. Some of them are really contented and satisfied with where they are in life at the moment. However, I beg to differ. It isn't where you are right now, but where you will go next. Life isn't meant to be lived standing still in one spot and not moving. Its about learning, experiencing and soaking up everything around you.

An article I read in school recently provided some insight to my slightly jumbled life. Not realizing that I was caught in the middle of two groups that left me feeling extremely confused and unaware, the two articles I read jolted me out of my semi conscious state of self awareness. The articles are:

'Scoring high in grades but not in values' - ST April 6,2010,

'Diary of a reformed elitist' - ST Forum April 8,2010

For the people really close to me, they would probably know that I have recently experienced paradigm shifts in my life that caused me to lean towards my 'better' nature. Its a long story which takes a lot to explain and reveals a lot. To make a long story short, I would just like to point out that there is much more to life than what you just see. We all are a small pawn in the greater cosmic scheme of things.

12.20pm

2010-04-27T23:46:00.012+08:00

Last Saturday I had a barbeque to celebrate my birthday. I had an amazing time. :)

Pictures speak a thousand words and this is relevant here. I have an awesome group of family and friends. :)

Germaine and me

Juanita and me

Cherre and me

Su shan and me

Sam and me

Sam, Stef and me

Crenshaw and me

Zu Ming and me

Jessica and me

Jia Qi and me

Yun Jia and me

Playing Blind Mice. We are seriously 5 years old.

My birthday was topped off with a family dinner plus Jien Arn at Modesto's. :)

Good things come to those who wait. I've got something good right now. :)

Btw, my best friend Lau Su Shan got into NUS Science! I am so proud of you dear!!!!!!

2010-04-14T00:40:00.004+08:00

Sometimes all we need is a little bit of iron to stand firm.

Let's wait for stardust.

2010-04-11T23:53:00.002+08:00

Happiness is a fleeting emotion. It comes and goes and it doesn't stay. We spend so much time and effort looking for that specific someone or something that makes us happy. But yet, sometimes, it is the simplest things in life that tend to tickle our funny bone or give us a giggle. I've been really happy the last month. Certain things here and there that tugs at my ethos compass. But life goes on. Everything that happens, happens for a reason.

I've learnt that having lower expectations of others as well as myself saves myself a lot of trouble and dashed expectations. People will always fail you. When you place an infallible image or persona around them, chances are, it's not going to happen. I would say then that when you don't have all these around, life becomes much simpler, and happiness is easier to attain.

Love is a learning process for everybody. If you want to give it, its best not to expect too much back. Coz that's what it should be about.

Not in the least

2010-03-29T23:06:00.006+08:00

Sometimes things happen when you least expect it.

I guess I haven't updated this page in a little while. Exams and other stuff have been keeping me away.

Happy birthday Christina, Matthew, Ching, and Jacklyn! :)

1,2,3

2010-03-11T15:26:00.002+08:00

Replacing most of my things remind me that life is pretty much interlinked with materialistic goods. My life has lowered in quality without having my 'necessities' around me.

When certain things happen, it shows the true intentions of the people around me. Things that they do for their own self satisfaction, or things that they say out of anger and pique, or people who just want to 'see' you. I've realized that the people who truly care are those that are willing to tell me the truth regardless of how bitter it may sound. And those people I have found. :)

Life goes on. I try to piece everything back bit by bit. As moments grow darker, my only recluse is my bed. Sleeping all my problems and thoughts away has always been how I operated. Anyhow, I hope they catch those bastards who took my things. I also want my iPhone back.

On a whole other note, I want my life back too.

2010-02-27T01:12:00.000+08:00

Who says dreams don't come true? They only don't if you stop dreaming. :)

Survival of the fittest

2010-02-13T00:05:00.007+08:00

I think that people are interesting. When presented with choices we have a headache making a decision. Yet when we have no choice, we reluctantly accept the situation and make do with whatever we're faced with. Perhaps that's what survival of the fittest is. Any how, I just wish that I'd be able to make decisions that I'm able to live with instead of living with choices that I had relinquished control over.

Anywaysssssss,

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

and

Happy Valentines Day! <3

Drink and be merry!

Chocolate durian cake

2010-02-08T00:18:00.003+08:00

Happy 18th birthday Lynnshan dear!

I hope you had a great day and dinner with Matt and me. It was so awesome seeing you again after so long. :)

I wish we took a picture though. Let's meet up again soon and catch up somemore!

I love you dear!

We're slow dancing in a burning room

2010-01-28T00:45:00.006+08:00

It's hard to be sad when you have so many people around you. But innately there's always something missing. A sense of loneliness that no amount of fun, alcohol, talking, company, ice cream or food can occupy. It's an intangible feeling that possibly afflicts the majority of us.

I'm known for thinking too much and too fast for my own good. I believe it drives my friends around me insane. The rate at which I make up my mind, or change it. I know for sure that it drives me crazy. It's like a blur of activities in your mind slurring itself into an asymmetrical mix of thoughts. This infuriates me. Yet I hold on to it dearly because it is possibly one of the few things that make me, me.

Recently I've been hooked on this song, and this particular cover. It's so lovely and the two guys are so adorable. :)

The lies that divide us

2010-01-16T01:20:00.002+08:00

So many things happen for a reason. We allow them to or they happen in their own accord within the cosmic scheme of things.

Sometimes it's just better to let things happen like a paper plane falling to the ground. Everything is still. There's no sound.

This week was majorly insane. My mind and body worked overtime. I slept lesser than the average man and I thought more than I should have.

Week 2 of school starts next week. Woopdeedo.

2010 Resolutions

2010-01-04T20:25:00.003+08:00

Tis the season to be jolly. I have a burning urge to keep blogging and blogging and I am running a temperature AGAIN. As if being sick for New Years wasn't enough. Haha. No fear. I will see the doctor tomorrow.

Anyways, my 2010 resolutions are:

1. Treat my family better.

2. Get my drivers license.

3. Don't mess up A levels. (I have a set of proposed Prelim and A level grades.)

4. Send in college applications to UCLA, USC, NYU and Julliard.

5. Do my Sats.

6. Excel in The Young Co and ColourFunk.

7. Continue working on films if time allows.

8. Grow taller and lose more weight? Haha.

and a few others which are private. You can ask me but I probably won't tell. :P

As usual, I have a planned a very hectic and packed schedule for me in the following year. The usual ambitious drive is glowing from within me. I just hope that my 'lack of discipline' won't screw things up. Anyways, I am very excited to work on my newest film 'King Con!' for Lizz in Tisch. I've even painted my nails dark blue for the role. Rehearsals start tomorrow and filming starts Thursday. Tres exciting! :)

2009-The Year of Unexpectedness

2010-01-04T03:00:00.021+08:00

Hello everyone! Looking back to my end of year post of 2008, I've come to realize that I have not fulfilled any of my new year resolutions of 2009.

I resolved to:

1 - Cope well with my studies, TSD, Ben and Jerry's, my tuition job and my life.

(Haha. That's a lot huh?)

2 - Books in. Boys out. (For real this time.)

3 - Learn to drive and get myself a vespa.

4 - Lose more weight. Be like 48kg.

5 - Grow taller.

Well, as you can see. I have not gotten my drivers license (only in theory!), grown taller or gotten skinnier, or can be considered as an A level graduate yet. Therefore, all my 2009 resolutions have fallen through the roof. However, this doesn't deter me. I have another set of 2010 resolutions that I have made and I have resolved to see them through. I ended 2008 on such a high note, looking forward into the new year. But somehow, my energy for the new year is all drained. In fact, I can feel myself hesitantly dreading it.

Anyways, in 2009. I didn't expect many things.

First of all, I didn't expect theater politics to be so overwhelming. I also didn't expect to enter MSU Finals which eventually led to me being dropped out of my TSD A Level Practical group. Perhaps it was due to poor time management on my part that would eventually jepordize the group's overall performance. Whatever the case was, things took a turn from there.

I made a lot of new friends through this, and it was the start of something even bigger.

After which everything ended, I didn't expect myself to get into Singtel Grid Girls Top 21. Now when this happened, the situation in school didn't get better. I had to make a hard decision and choose between this or TSD, even with the new batch. Previous experiences led me to decide to give up the latter for a 'greater good'. It was something that was so hard to do. You see, I've never loved anything and sacrificed as much as I have for theater, and I was about to give that up.

Anyways, Singtel Grid Girls was good exposure and experience. It opened my eyes and mind to many things, and I also made lots of good friends and went to London and Bintan and had the opportunity to be on TV.

Singtel Grid Girls took up a big portion of my year last year. 5 months odd to be exact. I remember rushing to Mediacorp for rehearsals in my school uniform and studying during breaks on race day itself. I also remember the phone calls asking why I wasn't there while I was still in school. How can I forget to mention about the incessant meetings my Mom had with my school to discuss about my academics?

2009 was the first year I ever stayed back a year. Thus from July onwards, I was no longer in 08A04, my class was now 09A04. I managed to stay on in J2 long enough to get invested out of council. One of the few reasons that kept me going to school everyday.

09A04

Thankfully I survived promos (again) and managed to get my butt promoted. There are so many technicality errors but I shall not dwell on them because I'll sound like a nag.

Anyways, after school was out, that was it for books for me. I spent a lot of my time working, acting, partying and hanging out with friends. Honestly, until now, I haven't done my holiday homework. Which I WILL eventually get started on.

You see. Despite the big pit hole that I fell into in 2009, many good things also happened. I had an awesome family and friends. I got into The Young Co and ColorFunk. I discovered Word of the Actor. I am working on films and doing what I love. I attended two Commissioning Balls and I went to Hong Kong to be a guest VJ for Channel V. On top of all that, I met some amazing people along the year.

Pictures speak a thousand words.

Do I need to even mention about my best friend Su Shan? It's been 6 years and counting and we're still going strong. Haha. This will be the first of many changes to come in the future. But I'm just very thankful that she's always been there for me. We're completely opposite people but we somehow still click.

My two best friends. :)

The regulars. (Pictures in no particular order)

Awesome friends from school :)

Cell Group :)

The girls who I usually spend my nights with :)

HK Trip :)

There are recent pictures of my family but they're not uploaded into my computer yet. When they are, I'll post them up.

So it's now 4.16am and my brain is hardly working. I'd love to tell you about my 2010 resolutions but I'm afraid doing so will jinx it. I'll see how it goes.

Semi finishing this entry actually kind of makes me look forward to the New Year. Perhaps it's just a gust of wind. I may be imagining it.

Good night! :)

Happy New Year to all!

Live like we're dying

2009-12-21T02:17:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since I've blogged about anything. So many things are happening at once and it's hard to comprehend the thoughts and events occurring at the same time. One song can sum up the present.

We're all living on a rabbit's back

2009-11-27T01:19:00.005+08:00

I'm not too happy with myself.

2 days ago, I met someone new. She seemed like this perfectly nice and sweet person. But somehow I could not find myself warming up to her as I would have done before. Internally within me, there was this invisible force field holding me back. Prohibiting me from exhibiting friendly social behavior like I would normally do. At the exact same time, a voice in my head was telling me to just go ahead and do what I would do. Footloose and fancy-free would be the phrase associated with it. However, this invisible force field was preventing me from carrying out the advice given by this voice.

I believe that that was my overly heightened sense of self awareness speaking to me. The voice that constantly tells me what I should or should not do.

I've realized that over time, with so many occurrences and incidents in life that happens leave people slightly more apathetic and conditioned than before. Skepticism and cynicism creep in. Intentions and motivation are doubted. Society has also evolved to accept these skeptics and cynics as the norm. A time when helping someone or doing something entails no obligations. Perhaps there was never a time like this. Perhaps bits and pieces of the dark side have always existed within the crevices of our noggin.

I don't know. Many things have happened to me, as would everyone else say about themselves. These incidents have killed my naivety and only heightened my skepticism and cynicism about the world and people around me. I no longer trust people as easily, or warm up to people as quick as I used to. I feel less empathy and sympathy for suffering and pain. I don't see the world through a child's eyes.

Going back to 2 days ago, I don't know what caused me to behave like that. It may be a small thing (I like making mountains out of molehills), but it's big to me. Now naivety and gullibility does not seem like a bad thing after all. I believe this 'phenomenon' happens to a large majority when growing up. Hence adults live in a world where distrust and dubious intentions are commonplace. Someone doing a service to another is psycho analyzed and there must be a reason behind it.

I'm just saying that I don't like how this is happening. How this conditioning to events is hardening me. How I now longer believe in humanity.

Once you're conditioned, nothing changes.

So I have made up my mind, to embrace this change. Yet, at the same time, do what I love doing, breaking convention.

Oh yes, I have something to say about why this may happen.

I believe it's caused by disappointment.

Disappointment in people that you once trusted.

Disappointment in knowing that you didn't do the best you could.

Disappointment in a someone being nice to you had ill intentions.

Disappointment in someone who was once very close hide her face when she chances you on the streets.

Disappointment in parents not living up to their duties.

Disappointment that life doesn't work out the way you want to.

Disappointment in having no one that truly understands you.

Disappointment in knowing that the person you love will probably never feel the same way.

Disappointment for not doing what you promised.

Disappointment in thighs that meet will probably never separate.

Disappointment for every moment your heart fell or cringed upon hearing or seeing something.

So, when life throws you yarn, make socks.

Love, Ethel

Why I will NEVER be a teacher

2009-11-24T15:25:00.006+08:00

Warning: The following blog post may contain explicitly opinionated material that may or may not upset certain people of a certain occupation. Please read with your own discretion.

I'm really upset.

I'm upset because I'm stuck somewhere that I don't want to be in. Something small happened today that reminded me how appalling the social behavior of some teachers in school. It's ironic how higher authority in educational institutions constantly drill into us to have good attitudes and well-balanced lives. The twist in this story is that many of them lack this ability and hardly qualify to be teaching this lesson.

Going back to school today to make a short medical insurance claim just proved how much this was true. While walking into the general office, I was right in front of another teacher who was just leaving. As I was much taller than her, one would expect normal social procedures to take place, such as looking up and holding the door slightly longer than usual to let the other person in, which would then be followed by awkward smiles and thank yous.

I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, this is what is usually done outside in the real world. But this teacher did just the opposite. She neither lifted her eyes nor held the door open for a nanosecond longer. Instead, she closed it quickly behind her and very very close to my face. When that happened, it woke me up from my dreamy state.

'Hey, you're in school. What did you expect?'

This then got me thinking and lamenting (quite loudly to my Mother) about how much teachers may hate students. I mean, I'm going by a long shot here, but it seems like teachers hate their profession and students. I'm just generalizing here about the few that I've encountered. I'm not saying ALL teachers out there are like that. But I'm talking about the rest that seem unhappy and bitter about their jobs. The rest that seem to think that they really are better than the students that they teach. The rest that think that students don't need respect because they're students or reasons otherwise.

Off the top of my head, I feel like I can draw this scenario as a parallel to the Milgrim experiment. Man, once presented with ultimate authority, usually abuse it. So in my head, I'm conjuring up images of poor helpless students being saved by strict regimens implemented by the government to prevent torture and abuse in schools. But that's just me. I have a vivid imagination.

I'm just saying that students are in school to learn and gain knowledge. I know a lot of stress and responsibilities are placed upon teachers to achieve certain results. But just as teachers expect respect from us, I believe that I'm a person that deserves respect too. This relationship works both ways. We have much to learn from each other, and it doesn't help when one party deems themselves better, smarter and richer than us.

Although technically that's true.

Anyways, this isn't applicable to all teachers because I've met some very kind and dedicated teachers in Singapore that I'd never expect to meet. Perhaps I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. But the truth is that the scary impression I've had of teachers upon returning to Singapore from the US has been validated thus far.

2009-11-23T10:00:00.001+08:00

Ethel just won a free trip to Hong Kong to film as a guest VJ on the Dec 8th to 9th on Channel V Countdown. I will miss prom but I will go to Post Prom from the Airport! :)

This is so exciting!!

What I've been up to

2009-11-21T22:34:00.011+08:00

A lot of people have been asking me what I've been up to since my exams are over.

So these are the people I've been hanging out with since then. :)

Lots of good things have been happening. I'm doing 2 upcoming films and photoshoots. :)

I'm in SRT The Young Co. and ColorFunk, so I'm back in touch with theater again! :)

I'm VERY happy.

Word People! :)

Zouk!

Wai Ying and me. <3

Laura and me. <3

YKit, Derrick and me. :)

Big Breakfast at MACS!

Steph's Cell! :)

Last but not least, pictures from Jessica's sister's wedding from last Sunday!

Weddings kind of make me squirmy, but this was nonetheless a beautiful one! :)

Enjoy the pictures!

Seasons Greetings

2009-11-20T15:59:00.000+08:00

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Only in Orchard Road.

I can hardly feel it.

The saturation of my mind

2009-11-19T23:35:00.004+08:00

Today while I was talking with a friend, we have sort of come to the mutual consensus that modern technology has led to people being so much narcissistic than before. Many blogs are filled with not just daily doings of a specific individual, but also contains the deep dark thoughts of them. This large display of human emotion on a public site comes across not as vulnerability, but instead as a show of some sort. A garner of attention to a certain extent. We then somehow linked this back to the reason for this phenomenon being Man's innate desire for power and control. The control of another being's attention that is.

He then asked me if I liked being in control, applying the question hypothetically in a very normal context. I thought for a bit, and then came to the answer that 'I'm bossy towards my sister.'

'That's sibling rivalry,' he said. 'It doesn't count.'

So my answer was this.

My desire to please people > My desire to control

That's food for thought for me.

2009-11-17T23:41:00.000+08:00

I hate this. I want us to stop fighting please.

On top of the world

2009-11-12T23:57:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, when you feel so happy that you are raised so high that you can almost touch the clouds. These two weeks of holidays have been absolutely amazing for me. I've been basically living out my dream. Like I was in some other world where I could be with my one and only first love. It sounds really dramatic but I feel so close to where I want to be that it's as if I can almost see the outline of it's silhouette.

It's corny.

It's cheesy.

But it's real.

And I honestly feel like I'm on top of the world.

To all my friends out there in the midst of their As and PW, keep going! You guys can beat it. :)

I'm still rooting and praying for you.

I'm so happy I'm like a little bug on coffee beans~~

2009-11-06T15:48:00.005+08:00

That is the song I sang while jumping about when I found out that I got accepted into The Young Co.

I have been having holidays from school these last two weeks and I have been having a great time! I've gone back to work at Ben and Jerry's, celebrated Halloween, modeled for Runwaybelle (www.runwaybelle.livejournal.com),

went night cycling, attended Word again, met up with friends passed my BTT, and got into the Young Co!

Life has been really good and I've been really happy with how everything is. I'm basically like a little bug on coffee beans!~~

I am also planning TPJC's Post Prom with Dzul at Supperclub. It'll be on December 9th so I hope that everyone can make it! We have booked the White Room just for us, so you can invite your friends to come down and party together. The details are up on Facebook already. Tickets are $15.

So pencil in the dates and get ready to party people!

But of course, study first and get through A Levels first. To all my friends taking A Levels next week, I wish you guys all the best. Everything that you all have been working for is finally here, so please do yourselves justice! I will be rooting and praying for all of you. :)

Lastly, I hope that my weird friend Raj gets better soon. :)

Oh yes! Runwaybelle provided me with a really nice black dress and jacket. This is the jacket and you can match it with almost anything. So if you like it, visit www.runwaybelle.livejournal.com to check out more!

My first love

2009-10-30T14:08:00.003+08:00

This week, I met a fellow TSDian graduate. We talked about many things, having one underlying commonality that connected us together. The fact that we have been through the same torture of putting a grade on the love for theater.

My experience with theater almost falls short of being horrifying. Despite it being the only thing that I love as much as the people around me, withdrawal symptoms come far and fast. The only thing is, I don't have a nicotine patch.

Not yet at least.

A recent article I read talks about how digital technology makes breaking up so much easier to do nowadays. Photos in digital format just require a click of a button to send them to digital hell. People can be deleted with a click of 'Remove from friends'. Erasing every semblance of who they once to you has become so much easier. But this process doesn't necessarily make the occurrence any more easy to go through or any less painful. I believed that a cathartic feeling would arise after seeing those faces being deleted away into my trash folder. This feeling, however, eluded me. After what seems like almost a year, the emotions are pretty much the same, but only to a lesser intensity than before. Maybe it's because I'm so close to being back to theater and performing that an unprecedented set of emotions swell inside. Eradication from my memory was not as infallible as I thought.

Regardless of which, a good friend once told me, God doesn't want us to live with regrets or in the past. We've got to learn from it and move on. Taking it as a lesson learnt, I would probably say that this is my first and probably hardest break up I'll ever experience. Unconventional, but still attainable.

What to be done

2009-10-30T00:16:00.002+08:00

Happiness is so subjective. What defines happiness for someone doesn't mean the same for another. There probably isn't any set of clear guidelines that will say you're happy right?

What makes me happy I wonder? Right now, I'm very happy. To be able to come home everyday to my Mom and Sis and have them around and do what I like to do. Will removing myself from the picture to do what I presume is happiness make me happier? It's so subjective. I may not need it at that point in time.

I need to stop over-thinking things and just live in the moment. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'present'.

Man in the mirror

2009-10-25T23:31:00.002+08:00

This past week has been amazing. I did so many things that I couldn't do before during my F1 and exam period. I went to the gym, went for long runs, met up with close friends, attended Lynnshan's church Uth, attended service and so much more.

Right now, as I'm thinking about what to blog about my past week, I find it harder to express myself then expressing my admiration for certain books. That's interesting. I'm a pretty guarded person, as a result, I don't like sharing many things about myself with people. It's not a bad thing, neither is it good. I guess it's one of those things in life that are just there and is not a problem till someone doesn't want it around anymore.

So, I attended Uth with Lynnshan on Saturday night, which was nice. I finally found the time to attend her church! The meals before and after the service was really nice, eating, talking and meeting new people. A few of my many hobbies. :)

Saturday was filled with activities for God, which I believe was long overdue. I had a steamboat lunch at Steph's place with and some students from China for the program 'Meals @ Home'. It's a program for host families to have meals at their homes with foreign students to make them feel warm and fuzzy inside. I helped prepare the food and helped to wash up afterwards. I don't usually take pictures unless my other friends want to so I don't have any pictures of Saturday. I guess I'm old fashioned like that. Lunch was followed by fruits and long talks with the students. It was interesting to know more about their lives and the problems that they face in school. I attended Saturday's service @ TCT because I had an audition in the morning today. I am glad that I made that decision because the guest pastor was amazing!

Pastor Dishan Wickramartatne is the Senior Pastor of the People's Church Assembly of God in Colombo Sri Lanka. He did a sermon on the topic 'Can God depend on you?' I really felt touched by God's word when he preached because I felt that it's a fundamental question in a relationship with someone. Can that person depend on you? Often in our relationship with God, we neglect Him and only expect Him to be there for us. But when He needs us to do His work, are we there for Him? That's basically the gist of it. I guess that I've always taken my life for granted and never really thanked God for everything good that I have. It's always easy to count the bad things, but if I tried, the blessings that I have are literally uncountable.

It's time to stop whining and count my blessings and thank God for them. :)

My latest reads

2009-10-25T23:05:00.004+08:00

This post exam period has been extremely luxurious to me. Unlike the other JC1s, I am not plagued by the woes of PW and MT. Thus, I have a lot of free time on my hands. The category of time that is far and few in my life. As a result, I have been occupying my time with many things. I've picked up driving, drumming, acting and work again. All which I have stopped doing at certain points to concentrate on my studies. Other than all that, I have been reading and writing and thinking, a lot. Collectively, all these activities make my time not so free, but I'm a workaholic, I can't help it. :)

Anyways, I have read these 3 books from Malcolm Gladwell that I think are worth mentioning. I read his third book 'Outliers: The story of success' when I bought it from Heathrow Airport in London. I fell in love with it and went out to buy his first two books. Not really for light reading, his books are jam packed with information, case studies and statistics. They talk about social epidemics, success stories, metacognition, and a lot more. Basically, what Gladwell does is that he dissects issues and explores the reasons for their occurrences. One particularly memorable issue that he tackled in 'The Tipping Point' is the epidemic of teenage smoking. Many campaigns and public health education seminars have been conducted to warn teens and young adults about the harm of smoking, but to little avail. He takes this issue from a completely obscure angle and identifies certain possible reasons for this result, injecting fresh insight that I found extremely invigorating.

It's difficult to remember everything that was mentioned because it is filled to the brim with information. But I still highly enjoy reading his books regardless of this fact. Today, at Changi Airport, I saw his fourth book 'What the dog saw', and I was so tempted to buy it. It cost about 30 dollars. Being the impulsive shopper and poor manager of my own finances that I am, I almost picked it up right away and made it mine. But thankfully, a phone call to my mother sobered me up to the dire situation of my bank account. Thus, I have promised myself to find some work and buy that book. :)

Malcolm Gladwell

Other than 'What the dog saw', I'm going to save up to buy 'The Undercover Economist' by Tim Harford and 'The Last Lecture' by Randy Pausch. :)

I am currently reading 'Veronika decides to die' by Paulo Coelho.

The secret is out. I'm a geek.

Solitary battle

2009-10-22T23:08:00.003+08:00

As we walk through the long passageways back home, we become disembodied shells walking by.

One by one the people pass us by, just as lost and empty as we are.

Slaves to the world we seem, but I say slaves to ourselves.

Our needs, our wants and our desires.

What seems so easy is so lost and disillusioned.

The solitary man thrives, in the solitude of others.

But the truth of it all, we all become one of them.

The one who we said we'd never be, we become.

Thus, the sphere of who we are engulfs us, eating us alive.

We are alone.

We cannot win this fight.

Day by day

2009-10-22T00:30:00.003+08:00

Day by day, I learn more and more. I thank God for everything He's given me.

Amen. :)

Snapshot of ironic sympathy

2009-10-19T00:00:00.005+08:00

It all started with one word, and maybe two. Love and filial piety.

Now let's flash forward to a scene in a bus in Batam. Two Westernized almost half American teenagers sitting in a bus on a guided tour listening to an extremely loud and bodacious man more than 3 times my age singing songs in dialect.

That was my rendezvous this weekend.

I just came back from a 2D1N trip to Batam with my Mom and Sis. It was a painful yet somewhat interesting experience. I loved spending time with my family. But it was also a period in which I listened to almost 500 songs, watched 1 movie, finished half my book and may have permanently damaged my neck for sleeping in an awkward position too long.

Perhaps it is coz I am not used to the idea of going on a guided tour or traveling with a big group of unfamiliar people. I didn't realize what I signed up for when I said yes. Something like marriage. Haha. It wasn't all too bad though. The meals were fantastic! Almost fit for a king! Lunch on Saturday was interesting. Somebody approached me to talk about how fortunate we were by looking at all the people living in the Kampongs. This was after we took an air conditioned bus there, had an exquisite lunch and were now walking down a road in the Kampong, some with a beer in hand. I felt like we were people walking through an exhibit, looking and judging and momentarily feeling fortunate that we were born where we were and no where else. I did not give her the answer we wanted. I retorted that the false sympathy displayed is only contextual and nothing substantial. I'm not entirely apathetic to the people's plight. But I am saying that it's another to walk through, feign sympathy and feel good leaving. Nothing was given, neither did anybody receive anything.

We then go back to the previous scene in the bus. I was literally bored out of my mind to the extent that I wanted to scratch my eyes out. My sister said it would be gouge. I replied that gouging would be too quick and easy. Scratching them out would give me something to do. Thank God for technology and loud ear phones that gave us something to keep our minds from leaving our bodies. Out of 4 stops that we made at different venues, we only alighted at 1.

It wasn't all that bad though. I really really enjoyed spending time with my Mother and sister. It was finally some time we spent together without the distractions of our phones, computers or other necessary evils of today's 21st century. The people there weren't my kind of crowd, but they were very nice and generous people. I can't say the same for all though, but that's another story.

I think my Mother could have done just as well with my absence than with my presence. I feel extremely guilty for being the sulky, angst-ridden teen that I was on the trip. I have a trait that propels me to speak my mind most of the time. Often tactlessly with family. I wish that I could be a better daughter sometimes, to complement the wonderful mother that she is. However, I do the best I can within my emotional capacity.

Overall, the trip was alright. It would have been better if I could buy the booze I wanted. Apparently, you've got to leave Singapore for more than 48 hours before you can buy alcohol, including beer. So, if you've got nowhere to go, take a few planes around the world for more than 48 hours and come back. We'll see what they say then.

'Cloud Nine'

2009-10-16T23:45:00.004+08:00

Disappointment. I should never let it eat me away.

When you get bumped off cloud nine, you have to climb back up. After all, clouds are only made of water vapor.

I must have faith and believe.

FAME

2009-10-11T02:42:00.007+08:00

I watched Fame the musical with Lynnshan, Matthew and Hong Xiang on Friday night after promos.

It wasn't the best movie around, but it was a good attempt, and very entertaining.

I am truly inspired by this movie. To work hard for my dreams and never give up. =)

Freedom at last!

2009-10-10T15:34:00.033+08:00

Freedom at last!

After 5 months of Singtel Grid Girls, 1 month of rehearsals, 1 weekend of F1 and 5 grueling exam papers, it's finally over! This exam period has been the worst ever. I have never dreaded and yearned for something to be over so much before.

I promised to put up pictures so here they are!

These are pictures from the finale. =)

Pictures from backstage.

The stage before we appear.

Our opening item with music by DJ Inquisitive.

Our second item. Party dress segment with music by Sleeq.

Our third segment with Paul Foster as my partner. =)

Jack and Rai singing their fa la la song.

Our last segment. I got called into the Top 10! =)

The Top 10.

Q&A segment with Gurmit.

The Top 5.

1st- Low Shu Min

2nd- Constance Lau

3rd- Cordelia Low

After it was all over, I was extremely excited and hyper. I ran out to hug my family and friends who came down to support me. =)

Mommy bought me a bouquet of pink roses. I love flowers. <3

Wendy and me.

Wendy and her friends who came down to support me.

Josh and Steph!

Christina and me. =)

Mr Friendly Face and Ms Obsession Hair!

Germaine and her friends.

My Mom and Sis.

My flowers. =)

My closest friends. I am so touched they all came down. =)

Peiyi and me.

Zu Ming and me.

Jess and me.

Sam and me.

Matthew and me.

Deborah and me.

Chang and me.

Credits to Wendy, Chang and Mom's camera. =)

After everything, supper at Hong Kong cafe with Chang. =)

Next up, pictures from the Red Bull party at the Wave House.

It was mucho fun. I really enjoyed myself.

F1 Weekend!

It was hard work but the experiences that I gained from it was something that will stay with me for a lifetime.

I held Lewis Hamilton's number for the driver's parade.

In our Grid Girl tent. =)

The Official F1 Party!

Pictures from Cordelia's 21st party!

Jesse and me.

September and October were a month of many birthdays. Su Shan had her 18th on Sep 29! Pictures!

Birthday girl!

Yun Jia and my sad faces because we're so hungry.

The birthday girl with her pig mooncake cake. =)

Yun Jia and Su Shan

Jia Qi and Su Shan

Jess and Su Shan

Su Shan and me

Don't mess with Su Shan when she has a knife.

Sam and me.

Last but not least, pictures from my Mommy's birthday. =)

Su Shan and Sam came over to help celebrate with us.

We gave her a nice surprise by turning off all the lights in the house, and telling her that something happened to Su Shan when she came back from dinner. So she was very worried when she came back.

We hid in her room and surprised her with her cake when she came in.

Alright. I'm done with uploading pictures. I am going to enjoy these few days of holidays to R&R.

I love my new blogskin. Okay. Toodles! <3

Birthday girls

2009-10-06T23:26:00.002+08:00

We all go through ups and downs in our lives. I'd say this time right now is the latter.

I really really don't like me at the moment. I wish I could be someplace else.

Other than that, it's my Mother's birthday today. Hooray!

Su Shan, Sam, Germaine and I just threw her a surprise.

On another note, Su Shan's birthday was last week too.

Pictures up soon!

2 more papers to go!

One Week and Counting

2009-10-01T22:48:00.002+08:00

Exams are here. One week to go and it'll all be over. I can't wait!

I will post up pictures of F1 weekend and Su Shan's birthday then. :)

Excuse me. Is it stifling in here?

What a sad excuse for a reunion

2009-09-26T01:03:00.003+08:00

On Monday, I almost lost a really important person in my life.

Today, I lost a friend. It'd be my 4th friend in 5 years. 2 best friends and 2 friends.

It is times like this that really jolt me awake from the illusion of a reality that I live in. Time is ticking and life waits for no one. If we forget to stop and smell the roses, they may not be there tomorrow. Right now, I feel upset and angry for not just asking how he was. I remember him texting to say hello. But I was too caught up with my busy schedule to meet up.

What a silly reason for regret. The worse of all too. Living through it once wasn't enough for me.

It's very self indulgent at this point in time to say that I'm upset and regretful. I can only say that life goes on. The living have to pick up the pieces and try to live life with missing pieces in their heart. My heartfelt wishes and condolences to his family and close friends.

RIP Kim Wee.

April 17, 1990-September 25, 2009

I will be going down to his wake tomorrow with Sera. I scoff as I say this.

What a sad excuse for a reunion.

Let's never do this again.

500 days of summer

2009-09-17T14:46:00.001+08:00

My must watch movie after exams! =)

Trepidation

2009-09-12T21:39:00.002+08:00

She hasn't been outside for so long. Finally, after months and years of waiting, she musters up the courage to go outside, to see what the rave is all about. She elongates her neck and stretches it past the bright opening that is ahead of her. With her eyes alert, she carefully inches forward, calibrating her movement so that nothing will go awry. Till she could stretch no further, she stopped.

All on top of each other

2009-09-10T01:47:00.004+08:00

F1 week is coming up and I'm swarmed with rehearsals for grid girls, grid training and what not. Thoughts of studying constantly fill my mind. The stress that I feel is inevitable.

But yet. Today feels slightly different. The feeling is inexplicable, impossible to put into words. If I try, it'll turn sour. So, I'm just going to keep it to myself and savor the taste on my own.

Ethel really needs to work hard and study.

She can do it! =)

I miss my girlfriends very much. I really hope that I can see you guys soon! <3

Ethel in Wonderland

2009-09-02T23:21:00.003+08:00

I've got 28 more days to promos (inclusive of tomorrow). That's not a lot of time. I've got to get my head in the game and get on with it.

Let's go!

As Wally says it, 'Put your game face on'. =P

Haha.

Busted =P

2009-09-01T00:21:00.001+08:00

Inevitable by Anberlin! =)

Not so serious anymore

2009-08-30T23:36:00.006+08:00

This week has been really fun and meaningful. Humanities week is finally over! I miss acting and performing so much. It only just relieved me of my thirst for a little bit. Anyways, I'll be getting back to it soon. Hopefully. =)

Today, in service, Pastor Melvin told us about a story of a clubhouse along the coastal shores being built for the purpose of rescuing all the shipwrecked people who turn up. But not long later, the club became divided. Some wanted to remain exclusive, while others wanted to remember the purpose for the clubhouse in the first place. Well, the latter lost and decided to make another one of their own. Subsequently, the same thing happened and this spawned another and another. After a long time, the coastline was full of exclusive clubhouses, none with the purpose that it was originally supposed to have.

This made me think. Sometimes, you become exclusive. To yourself and your own comfort zone. We forget the purpose of our existence, and we live only to show others how high up we are. Its just a gradual progression into this state of mind that you forget how to give, and care and share.

Anyways, that was my learning point for this week. I've been taking myself so seriously recently. I've attributed it to many factors and conclude that that's just the way I am. But I get to CHOOSE who I want to be. I also get to make up excuses for it. Haha. Anyways, I've got people around me to pick me up whenever I fall. =)

Thank you for teaching me to be silly again. =)

Oh yes, I will be buying my family dinner tomorrow! Its a treat long overdue. =)

I've had lots of fun this weekend. Clementi fire station, Mexican food at Holland V, Basketball at NUS NUS and Halo, Rock band, tennis, bowling, baseball and Laksa and chicken wings at Matthew's place.

Its back to school tomorrow! September holidays are in a week. I cannot wait!

Now its my turn to say that I can't wait for JUMP next Friday.

Za and I spammed my macbook with our faces. It was so much fun! =)

I miss these girls! See you tomorrow night! =)

Dinner with Christina at Astons followed by B&J at Dempsey with Matthew. =)

Slow fade

2009-08-25T17:56:00.004+08:00

This is an awesome song.

Pastor Khong showed it to us in church 2 weeks ago. =)

Its time for me to stop playing with fire.

Its time for me to face up to my demons.

I want it all to stop.

A wild sunflower for me

2009-08-23T18:16:00.003+08:00

I feel in love with this dance when I first saw it a few years back.

Until today, I can't forget it. Its awesome! =)

Mirror mirror on the wall

2009-08-20T23:19:00.003+08:00

Hello. This is me. When I've been taken one too many bites out of. Well, this picture only shows one big bite out of the apple. But I'm speaking figuratively, so work with me a little here.

It is one of the rare moments in my life where I feel that a verse from a song will sum up how I feel at the moment.

'Wake me up when September ends'

Yes, please do. I'd like to fall into a deep sleep and wake up when September is over.

I'd like to polish that apple till its all shiny and whole again. But you can't. Coz its just too good and you want more.

But you know what, I'm not an apple, and please get your hands off me.

2009-08-16T20:23:00.002+08:00

I got this from Su Shan's website! Its quite accurate. Interesting.

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The ones bolded are the ones that I find quite true. Haha.

Sweet dreams are made of these

2009-08-14T20:11:00.014+08:00

Hello there! I haven't been blogging for a while now, so maybe its time to share some fun with everyone. Haha.

The last couple of weeks have been hectic, yet fulfilling and exciting at the same time.

I went to Bintan with the Singtel Grid Girls. The experience was interesting, exhilarating, and intolerable at the same time. Its hard to explain. But on the overall, it was pretty fun. Bintan is a beautiful place. Too bad we didn't have time to just sit and watch the scenery.

London girls FTW!

School on Friday was fun, for 2 reasons. It was NDP, and Monday would be a holiday. =)

A few of us performed onstage representing our class and EAGLE, and we got 3rd! How exciting. =)

My new classmates.

I really thank God for my new classmates. They're all nice people and have been really kind to me as a new addition to their class. =)

On Saturday, we had Jessica's surprise birthday celebration. This year, I didn't ruin it for her. We liased with her poly schoolmates and Peiyi to catch her off her guard. It worked! Haha.

Happy 18th birthday love! <3

I hope you had a wonderful day. =)

I love you girls! <3

On Sunday, I went for church and then to Marina South Pier to go to St Johns Island.

The message by Pastor Khong was really frightening, and albeit worrying. We've all got to wake up and stop leading the double lives that we are living. Sometimes, we may not get second chances. That's the harsh truth that we need to accept.

St Johns was very fun. Thanks Matthew and Dennis for inviting me. =)

I met lots of fun and new people, my very favorite pastime.

I slept in a hammock.

I took a bite of mutton unknowingly.

I got caught in a storm.

The feeling was extremely tingly. Like a fuzzy feeling starting from your head to your toes. I haven't felt that way in long time.

My favorite picture. =)

Credit to Matthew and Chang.

Kukupaolo. =)

Life has been hectic week after week. Sometimes, I feel like I'm like a washing machine. Cycle, rinse, repeat. But its the little cracks in between that allow something to grow. So its not all that bad.

This week, I felt it. I finally felt what it was like to be heartbroken again. To be apart from something that you love so much. It just takes your breath away, like a withdrawal symptom.

Anyhow, I'm too tired to think or feel anything about it.

Steph gave me this verse this week.

'But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.'

Matthew 6:33

I've had a lot of fun these few weeks. Its time for me to pull my socks and get ready for mid term assignments and promos (again).

Level Up

2009-07-31T23:37:00.002+08:00

This week has been a really long week. There was E Learning day in the middle of the week. There was more homework in that single day than in an entire week.

I had a really good week though. Despite the hectic schedule and heavy workload, I had God's favor with me throughout the week. =)

Today, I went to Su Shan's place to borrow some clothes from her for my Bintan trip tomorrow. Haha. She was too lazy to come to my house to eat her Ben & Jerry's ice cream. We got to talking, as usual. We were discussing equality and human rights. Let's say, do students in the US have equal opportunities in education? Are people in the world born starting off as equals, or do some have advantages over others?

After listening to Barack Obama's NAACP 100th convention speech, I have come to this conclusion.

'No one starts out in life on an even plane, its up to us to even it out.'

Let's get to it.

Yun Jia's 18th!

2009-07-28T23:21:00.016+08:00

Happy 18th birthday Yun Jia!

We celebrated Yun Jia's birthday on Saturday for her at Clarke Quay. Dinner at Manhattan, supper at Starbucks and 90 steps down to the MRT. I had a really good time. It was fun seeing and hanging out with all the familiar friends again.

Here are the pictures. =)

The 'flasher'!

Waiting for our food

Tai Yu and Manfred

Jessica and Su Shan

Yun Jia's iPhone. The most popular of the night.

Jia Qi and Eileen

Pei yi and Jia Qi

Sam and me!

We exchanged faces. =P

Dinner!

Yum!

Its not my birthday, but I can wish right!

Happy Birthday Yun Jia!!! =D

Group shots!

Yun Jia was so touched by her gift that she teared. =)

Final shots! =)

I hope you had a great 18th birthday Yun Jia! =)

I'm currently watching President Obama's speech at the 100th NAACP Convention. I am so inspired.